NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON HOLIDAY – Out now

thumbnail_Sex-on-Holiday 2 ‘One of the funniest books I’ve read this year… I found myself laughing out loud… A fantastic holiday read.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars

Get ready to enjoy your first holiday abroad with small children. Highlights include: being woken at 5 every morning and working a gruelling day in 30-degree heat chasing kids around the pool with a bottle of sunscreen. Added features: screaming during mealtimes and toddlers moaning about sand. Absolutely no sex guaranteed or your money back!

Katy and Ben and their four closest friends are going to Spain for a week with their kids. Sun, sex and sangria? Almost certainly not.

The couples think they are prepared for all the joys and trials a family holiday has to offer but they have a shock coming, and not only from the kids. Into their first day by the pool crashes Ollie, who has just been dumped by his girlfriend, and Cassie, on her hen party holiday but having serious doubts about her impending marriage. A recipe for a relaxing week abroad? Let’s wait and see…

From the no. 1 bestselling author of No-one Ever Has Sex on a Tuesday, this is the perfect book to read on the beach – either with or without small children. Perfect for fans of Nick Spalding, Marian Keyes and Gill Sims.

Click HERE to buy.

Readers love No-one Ever Has Sex on Holiday!

‘A laugh-out-loud romp that had me in literal stitches from start to finish.’ Goodreads Reviewer

Five stars are really not enough for this fantastic book but in the absence of anything more I would just like to say to people reading this review “Read it, you won’t regret it.”’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars

‘A perfect holiday read.’ Goodreads Reviewer

‘Totally enjoyable, perfect for the beach!… Loved it, made me laugh from start to finish.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars

The Book I Never Thought I’d Write

Last-Laugh-final CoverI never expected I would write a book about dying. I write romantic comedies for goodness sake! And I knew I couldn’t possibly write a book that didn’t have humour at the heart of it and where are the laughs in someone dying!!!? But then life happens. Shit happens in fact and I suddenly found myself writing this book. Not because I intended to get it published or even finish it. I started writing to mainly deal with the shit that was happening and then it took on a life of it’s own and here we are…a finished published book….how did that happen?

 

Well it’s all down to a very special person you see. A very close friend who I met in my twenties. We shared so many epic times and then the shit happened. She got cancer. And then she got the all clear. And then she got it again. And then she died. My friend was a success story up until then. She was smart and funny, held high office in her career and had a wonderful husband and son. And then she got ill and during that time we had a conversation that I found remarkable. She told me that despite knowing her days were numbered that she felt under pressure to live in a certain way. To have a bucket list or see the wonders of the world or even run a marathon and raise loads of money for charity to ensure she left some kind of ‘legacy’. I was shocked that someone in this position could feel under pressure to conform when surely it is the time when all rules should be kicked thoroughly up the backside.

And so the idea for THE LAST LAUGH emerged. The story of a woman who is running out of time and decides to spend the remainder of her life in her very own unique way by attempting to live how she did when she was happiest – in 1996!

It is of course no co-incidence that me and my friend had the time of our lives in the nineties and maybe sub-consciously, through writing this book, I have in some part managed to re-live those happy, happy times to try and dispel the sorrow that there will be no more to come.

I have not written my friends story. I wouldn’t and couldn’t do that. That is hers and not mine. Jenny in my novel is a completely different person with a very different journey. Through writing this book I have found the laughs that not only lift our lives but are essential in coping with the inevitable. Many reviewers have already said that it made them laugh and cry which is perfect. There were many tears of course with my friend but there was always much laughter too. And that is exactly how I wish to remember her. With the odd tear, but plenty of laughs.

THE LAST LAUGH is out now on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com. A percentage of the profits are being donated to Sue Ryder who provide fantastic hospice and neurological care for people facing frightening, life-changing diagnosis.

When can you call yourself a writer??

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I’ve often heard it said at writing conferences that if you write you are a writer. However I have never held with that view. I’ve always thought that I could only call myself a writer if I was being paid to do it. I mean I would love to call myself a model but no one is offering me cash to see me strut up and down the landing in my finery so I don’t see why I should be allowed that label!

I do however like the view put forward by two writers, Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Kate Tempest in this article for the Guardian, especially as I lurch desperately towards the end of my first draft of my latest novel. It’s all about finishing.  So enough of this putting off finishing by posting an extract about finishing and I’ll go back to being a writer and try and finish! Full article is attached in a link at the end. 

PWB Can I ask you, Kate, writer to writer: do you ever write something and go, “Smashed it, that’s brilliant, I’m keeping that, that’s amazing.” Does it get to the point where you can step back and go, “That’s a really good piece of writing” or, “That’s not such a good piece of writing.” Or do you just write it all down and not think of it critically?

KT It’s not like, “Wooh, I’m smashing this” but sometimes everything else disappears, and that happens very rarely. The rest of the time, it’s you writing when you don’t feel like writing, writing when you hate everything that’s coming out, forcing yourself to engage with the idea that it’s going to be shit no matter what you do, and trying to kind of break through that because of a deadline, or because you know that it’s very important to continue. This is what enables you to be a writer.

The difference between a writer and someone who dreams of being a writer is that the writer has finished. You’ve gone through the agony of taking an idea that is perfect – it’s soaring, it comes from this other place – then you’ve had to summon it down and process it through your shit brain. It’s coming out of your shit hands and you’ve ruined it completely. The finished thing is never going to be anywhere near as perfect as the idea, of course, because if it was, why would you ever do anything else? And then you have another idea. And then these finished things are like stepping stones towards being able to find your voice.

The thing is, everybody’s got an idea. Everybody wants to tell me about their ideas. Everybody is very quick to look down on your finished things, because of their great ideas. But until you finish something, I’ve got no time to have that discussion. Because living through that agony is what gives you the humility to understand what writing is about.

 

Read the full article here: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/nov/26/phoebe-waller-bridge-kate-tempest-conversation-fleabag

What authors do to avoid writing…

So I’m at a really tricky bit in my latest novel. I’ve been here before and I know the only answer is to crack on and write through it. Don’t over think it just write and the answer will appear. Instead of following my own advice however I will typically  find anything possible to avoid the pain of sitting and staring at a screen when the words aren’t flowing. Today’s attractive distraction so far is this. img_1920

I am choosing to try and mend the dishwasher which hasn’t drained rather than trying to work out my protagonists husbands motivation in chapter 25!

Now I have walked away from the dishwasher and chosen to write about mending the dishwasher rather than work out my protagonists husbands motivation in chapter 25!

My prediction on how my day will go….I don’t see me solving either by the end of the day.

Exciting New release: NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX IN THE SUBURBS

Hi Everyone – here’s some news on my new book which I thought I’d try to deliver to you in person…sort of.

NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX IN THE SUBURBS  is the sequel to NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY but don’t worry if you haven’t read that one as no previous experience is necessary. It has been an utter joy to go back to characters I already know and love especially Daniel and Braindead! Somehow they wrote themselves which is something I’ve never experienced before as a writer. Both of their unique senses of humour came flooding back which I hope will ensure you find some laugh-out-loud moments.

You can pre-order for just £1.99 now if you like then it should land with you on the 23rd June. I’m very keen to hear what you think of it so don’t forget to get in touch and let me know or leave a review.

Have a great weekend.

Tracy xx

HANDBAGS, GLADRAGS & FORWARD ROLLS

Photo on 19-02-2014 at 11.26 #5I’m overjoyed to share with you that this writing malarkey finally presented me with a serious retail challenge. My agent called to tell me that a publisher was interested in meeting me. And not just any old publisher at that, a biggie. See if you can guess which one from my cryptic clue. Antarctic bird lives in pink igloo! Read on to see if you’re right.

My immediate reaction was yippee – at last an excuse to buy something to wear, given my life as a mum/writer has depressingly little requirement for purchasing clothes to impress. Such was my excitement I drove straight past my adjacent city and headed a good forty minutes further to an even bigger city and trawled the shops whilst trendy young sales assistants sneered at my audacity to enter their establishments in an …anorak!

New outfit, handbag and crucially a new notebook purchased, I felt prepared to face the big guns in London. Requesting last minute advice from my son at school drop off on the way to the station, he advised four forward rolls followed by a bit of ‘Strictly’. Now I was knew I was armed and quite possibly dangerous.

On arrival at Penguin Random House (did you get it?) I struggled to suppress my excitement at the sight of a large bronze plaque on the building which had the words Random House on it. In totally over excited mode, I found this hysterically funny that we were visiting … a random house! I considered sharing this hilarity with my agent but she already had her serious face on so I decided I should pull myself together.

Sadly the room we had our meeting in was far too small for forward rolls and so I sat down politely, got out my new red notebook (Random House colours. Do you see what I did there?) and declined biscuits. I know! How professional can you get? And they were chocolate chip.

An hour or so later I left completely drained. The other members of the meeting bore the brunt of the fact that I spend most of my days in solitary confinement shouting the occasional swear word at my computer. The opportunity for prolonged adult conversation left me with a severe case of verbal diarrhoea as I explained my publishing journey in minute detail.

However I’m glad to say there must have been some glimmers of intelligence that shone through as not long afterwards they offered me a four-book deal, which I couldn’t be more excited about.

So I’m just left with thinking that I maybe could have got away with having a biscuit after all!

Cosmo Radio – The glamorous life of a writer continues…

I previously wrote about the glamorous stuff I did the day NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY became a best seller on Amazon including an overly energetic carvery lunch and Froot Loops for breakfast.  Well the rollercoaster has continued and recently peaked at being interviewed by Cosmopolitan Radio in America! Conveniently we happened to be in Florida at the time and I agreed to do the interview whilst visiting Legoland as an old mate of mine runs it and said I could use his office. Here’s how it all went. ..

Arrive at Legoland Florida to be greeted by Ade who I used to work with at Alton Towers. “Eh up you,” he says.  Ade’s from Stoke. There are sign posts to Stoke in the park. He loves Stoke but lives in Florida – go figure? He acts all posh in front of my kids and gives them a couple of mini-figures. They think he is God. One day I will tell them about the time on night out in Manchester I watched him on stage getting chatted up by a very glamorous transvestite…and he was wearing an anorak…the shame of it…an anorak I ask you.

Decide to do self-drive boat ride with my son before interview thinking I had plenty of time.  Son refused to listen to any advice, over steering dramatically leading us to be going the wrong way, very slowly. Smug husband who did it in double quick time starts pointing frantically at watch as we spin in circles. I am about to miss a radio interview with Cosmopolitan due to being stranded on a Lego boat.

Eventually we land and I run in 90 degree heat to where Ade has organised for someone to show me to his office. Literally dripping I gasp the ladies name and collapse with 10 mins to spare pre-interview. When she doesn’t appear I’m forced into a celebrity hissy fit and demand to be taken to the Manager’s office so that I CAN DO MY RADIO INTERVIEW!!!

With seconds to spare and still dripping I’m sat staring at the phone willing the station  to ring to show I haven’t made some massive cock-up and given them the wrong number. There are a row of clocks showing different time zones including Stoke time on the wall, a Stoke City football made out of Lego and a framed montage of the making of the Princess Diana wax work for Madame Tussauds where Ade also used to work. I’m staring at her head in wax. Not great stimulus for a lively, upbeat interview!

Ten minutes later and no call. Now convinced I have cocked- up and my career is over because I messed up an area code.

Phone rings, a man says hello and then I’m on air….within seconds…no asking if I’m ready or not…just straight in and we are off!

Something quite liberating about being on the radio when you think no-one you know is listening. I was asked if I have sex on Tuesdays to which I replied, “Don’t be ridiculous, I have two small children. There’s a small possibility if Christmas is on a Tuesday.” Not the answer I might have given on Radio Derby whilst my mum is listening.  The interviewer was brilliant and thought my ‘Briticisms’ were hilarious. On explaining that the title comes from a ‘chat-up’ line in the book he went into fits as he had never heard that phrase.  There was a tricky couple of moments however when I was banging on about how everyone loves Daniel in my book who is a gay character and I was concerned that the interviewer might be gay and I might offend him in some way by bigging up Daniel so I threw in my story about the book being partly inspired by a woman at our antenatal class declaring to us all that she wasn’t a lesbian despite being there with a female  birthing partner and then I got worried about saying that because he might think that I think it’s not okay to be gay and so I just blathered on in the hope I hadn’t just got myself into something I shouldn’t be in…..blah, blah blah…

At the end of the interview he invited me back any time I was in the States so I hope that means during the interview that at any point no -offence was taken??

…after he said that however I blurted out a classic…can I just mention before I go…and proceed to say how fantastic Legoland Florida is because if I didn’t say that my mate Ade would kill me….maybe won’t be welcomed back again!!

SINGLE WOMAN SEEKS REVENGE

ImageI am very happy to announce (after much debate over shades of green and purple!) that my new novel, SINGLE WOMAN SEEKS REVENGE, is now available to pre-order as an ebook with the  paperback soon to follow.

Here’s what you’re in for:

What do  you do when you find your love-life in ruins? Get revenge on every man who ever broke your heart of course….

Suzie Miller, a disillusioned agony aunt,  can’t believe she’s got dumped from a great height yet again (this time by text, straight after they’ve had sex… twice!). So she decides the time is right to make every one of her exes feel the pain she felt when they carelessly cast her aside.

 Her methods are unusual but humiliation on a grand scale is no less than they deserve.

Euphoric that she’s finally stood up for herself she starts suggesting outrageous ways for her readers to deal with their relationship nightmares too. Suddenly everyone wants Suzie’s advice. Finally content with being single and enjoying her blossoming career it seems as though happiness is within her grasp. That is until a man gets in the way.

SINGLE WOMAN SEEKS REVENGE is a romantic comedy with a kick:  a kick up the backside to any man who believes he got away with treating a woman badly and to any woman who doesn’t fight back.

 

If that sounds up your street click here to pre-order your ebook and you will receive your copy on July 19th.

Tracy