I am very happy to announce (after much debate over shades of green and purple!) that my new novel, SINGLE WOMAN SEEKS REVENGE, is now available to pre-order as an ebook with the paperback soon to follow.
Here’s what you’re in for:
What do you do when you find your love-life in ruins? Get revenge on every man who ever broke your heart of course….
Suzie Miller, a disillusioned agony aunt, can’t believe she’s got dumped from a great height yet again (this time by text, straight after they’ve had sex… twice!). So she decides the time is right to make every one of her exes feel the pain she felt when they carelessly cast her aside.
Her methods are unusual but humiliation on a grand scale is no less than they deserve.
Euphoric that she’s finally stood up for herself she starts suggesting outrageous ways for her readers to deal with their relationship nightmares too. Suddenly everyone wants Suzie’s advice. Finally content with being single and enjoying her blossoming career it seems as though happiness is within her grasp. That is until a man gets in the way.
SINGLE WOMAN SEEKS REVENGE is a romantic comedy with a kick: a kick up the backside to any man who believes he got away with treating a woman badly and to any woman who doesn’t fight back.
If that sounds up your street click here to pre-order your ebook and you will receive your copy on July 19th.
I’m very excited to tell you that overnight (sort of) NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY has become a best seller! I thought you might like to hear about what happens the first day you become a best selling writer so here we go.
Daughter climbed in bed at 2am waking me up. Couldn’t resist a quick check of my Amazon rankings. #6!!! Spent next hour gazing at best seller screen on Kindle.
Woke at 6am. Looked again at rankings. #4!! Sent text to husband who is away with work. He called immediately waking daughter and son up. A bit cross with him!!
Spoke to husband who was on speaker phone whilst he shaved. First time he has ever multi-tasked. This is turning out to be an amazing day.
Show son Best Seller screen on Amazon. He asked when am I going to get ahead of that ‘David Brown’ and said he prefers the cover of the ‘Bolero’ book to mine.
Have Froot Loops in celebration for breakfast rather than Special K. Success is already no good for my diet!
Still only 7.30am so pace the house waiting to be able to call someone…..anyone!
Build some Lego for sons Harry Potter assault course. One of Harry’s challenges is now to do Karaoke with daughters Lego Friends.
Mop the kitchen floor.
Speak to agent just after 9. Unable to with-hold emotion. Have a little cry.
Finally get mother on the phone. She is openly proud. That’s a first.
Strip the beds and put sheets in the wash (it’s a good drying day) whilst children pretend to be slugs in the empty duvet covers.
Console wailing children who have banged heads whilst pretending to be slugs in empty duvet covers.
Tell kids we’ll go out for a celebratory lunch. They choose to go to a Carvery! (they are so eighties retro)
Eat too much roast beef. Feel a bit sick.
Play tag in the pub garden. Feel really sick.
Go to visit the in-laws so they can play tag and I can sit down.
Iron ten thousand white shirts in preparation for kids going back to school the next day. Kids watch TV for too long but it’s Horrible Histories so I’m educating them.
Inevitable shouting match at bedtime as we are all tired and irritable but eventually kids settle down.
Do 30 mins on the exercise bike. Success is good for my diet.
Drink half a bottle of wine to toast my success.
Send texts to anyone who knows me….some replied….some told me to just calm down!!
So there you have it. A day in the life of a best selling author!
This blog-post is dedicated to everyone who has supported me in the lead up to my best selling status. You will not be forgotten despite how obviously glamorous my life has just become.
The survey that proved that ‘No-one ever has sex on a Tuesday’ managed to get coverage in The Sun and The Star today. Awesome to see my book title and name in the news pages. Feeling pretty pleased with myself!!
I named my novel after a chat-up line that Ben, one of the lead characters, uses to convince Katy to go on a first date with him. When she expresses concern that his intentions may not be entirely honourable he tells her they should go out on a Tuesday because “No-one ever has sex on a Tuesday.”
As part of my book launch I decided I’d check out if there is any truth in Ben’s theory and so with the help of Mustard Research based in Manchester we ran an online poll asking participants which day of the week they are most likely to have sex. Turns out Ben is a bit of a genius as Tuesday was indeed the least popular day for some bedroom action with just 2% of the participants picking this day.
But why is this? Ben has some theories of his own that he is more than happy to share with Katy but I wondered why the great British public were so anti-Tuesday.
Turns out we’re all just too sober! The top response at 22% said that either themselves or their partners were just too sober for sex on a Tuesday. Not that far behind at 17% was that it was a good night on the telly that was distracting them from the allure of their partners! And for women the 3rd highest answer was “too busy with jobs”. Funnily enough this answer was well down the list for men!
So last week I head down to London to be interviewed on Radio Gorgeous! Josephine and Donna were certainly up for a laugh as we discussed one-night stands as one is a key part of the plot in NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY. We had a really good laugh but I was relieved I had to hand the story of a ‘friends’ one night stand when they asked me about my own experience. You can still hear me squirming a bit though!! You can listen to the broadcast by logging onto http://radiogorgeous.com/
Picture the scene – my first taste of success as a writer. I’m sitting in a fancy restaurant – by which I mean there isn’t a chicken nugget in sight. My publisher sits at the head of the table. A grand dame of the industry weighed down by precious metals and with hair that has definitely not been blow dried by herself. I glow with pride as I sign a copy of my book despite the fact I can’t read a word of it. Here I am celebrating seeing my novel in print for the very first time in … Milan, Italy. I’ve spent all day trailing bookshops, taking pictures of my book, trying to convince shop owners that I am the author and not some eccentric English lady who can’t speak Italian yet convinced she’s written an entire book in their language. This is not how I expected things to be.
I guess it’s fitting that I didn’t begin writing in my native England. Marriage, a baby and a husband sent to work in the USA for three years slung me out of my previous career developing theme park rides and attractions, and potentially into desperate housewife territory. As I gazed around the leafy suburbs of Connecticut I remembered I’d once had a dream to write a book. And so I did. Armed with ideas and a very British sense of humour I joined a creative writing class and NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY began to take shape. The tale of childhood sweethearts having a one-night stand when they meet years later at a school reunion seemed to strike a chord. When two classmates had a row about whether my lead character should stick with her younger boyfriend or rekindle her teenage romance having discovered that either men could be the father of her baby, I knew I had something.
Eventually it was finished and I skipped class to sweat over letters to potential agents in London. Not that I thought I’d get one, I just fancied getting some transatlantic mail. As it turned out one wanted me and my book. Champagne corks popped. It was a dream come true. I didn’t realise that dreams rarely materialise in the way you imagine them.
My agent (I will never get used to saying that) took my book to Frankfurt Book Fair and I waited impatiently to hear when I would be able to buy it in Waterstones. Then the news came that it had sold to the highest bidder in a German auction and a pre-empted bid had secured it a home in Italy. Not long afterwards Brazil grabbed hold of it followed by Poland. Initially I was crushed that I wouldn’t be seeing my book on home territory until the reality of being published abroad sank in. Someone in Brazil, a country I had never even visited, thought I was funny, thought I could write and wanted other Brazilians to read my story. That, I decided, was pretty cool.
One edition after another, my book appeared in print in languages I couldn’t read with covers so diverse it was hard to reconcile it as the same book. It was as though I had given my book up for adoption and it was having this whole fantastic life without me that I was unable to participate in.
Until this year. The massive changes driving uncertainty in the publishing industry had been blamed for my book not finding a home in the UK. However as a new era in publishing emerges, those changes have provided the opportunity for me to finally get published here. With the support of my agent who also represents Sophie Kinsella and has helped Kate Harrison achieve massive self- publishing success with her 5:2 Diet Book, my novel is now available in English on Amazon. Finally I can tell people to go and read my tale of a one-night stand that leads to utter chaos. Best of all I can understand the reviews and comments for NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY without having to resort to Google Translate!