I previously wrote about the glamorous stuff I did the day NO-ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY became a best seller on Amazon including an overly energetic carvery lunch and Froot Loops for breakfast. Well the rollercoaster has continued and recently peaked at being interviewed by Cosmopolitan Radio in America! Conveniently we happened to be in Florida at the time and I agreed to do the interview whilst visiting Legoland as an old mate of mine runs it and said I could use his office. Here’s how it all went. ..
Arrive at Legoland Florida to be greeted by Ade who I used to work with at Alton Towers. “Eh up you,” he says. Ade’s from Stoke. There are sign posts to Stoke in the park. He loves Stoke but lives in Florida – go figure? He acts all posh in front of my kids and gives them a couple of mini-figures. They think he is God. One day I will tell them about the time on night out in Manchester I watched him on stage getting chatted up by a very glamorous transvestite…and he was wearing an anorak…the shame of it…an anorak I ask you.
Decide to do self-drive boat ride with my son before interview thinking I had plenty of time. Son refused to listen to any advice, over steering dramatically leading us to be going the wrong way, very slowly. Smug husband who did it in double quick time starts pointing frantically at watch as we spin in circles. I am about to miss a radio interview with Cosmopolitan due to being stranded on a Lego boat.
Eventually we land and I run in 90 degree heat to where Ade has organised for someone to show me to his office. Literally dripping I gasp the ladies name and collapse with 10 mins to spare pre-interview. When she doesn’t appear I’m forced into a celebrity hissy fit and demand to be taken to the Manager’s office so that I CAN DO MY RADIO INTERVIEW!!!
With seconds to spare and still dripping I’m sat staring at the phone willing the station to ring to show I haven’t made some massive cock-up and given them the wrong number. There are a row of clocks showing different time zones including Stoke time on the wall, a Stoke City football made out of Lego and a framed montage of the making of the Princess Diana wax work for Madame Tussauds where Ade also used to work. I’m staring at her head in wax. Not great stimulus for a lively, upbeat interview!
Ten minutes later and no call. Now convinced I have cocked- up and my career is over because I messed up an area code.
Phone rings, a man says hello and then I’m on air….within seconds…no asking if I’m ready or not…just straight in and we are off!
Something quite liberating about being on the radio when you think no-one you know is listening. I was asked if I have sex on Tuesdays to which I replied, “Don’t be ridiculous, I have two small children. There’s a small possibility if Christmas is on a Tuesday.” Not the answer I might have given on Radio Derby whilst my mum is listening. The interviewer was brilliant and thought my ‘Briticisms’ were hilarious. On explaining that the title comes from a ‘chat-up’ line in the book he went into fits as he had never heard that phrase. There was a tricky couple of moments however when I was banging on about how everyone loves Daniel in my book who is a gay character and I was concerned that the interviewer might be gay and I might offend him in some way by bigging up Daniel so I threw in my story about the book being partly inspired by a woman at our antenatal class declaring to us all that she wasn’t a lesbian despite being there with a female birthing partner and then I got worried about saying that because he might think that I think it’s not okay to be gay and so I just blathered on in the hope I hadn’t just got myself into something I shouldn’t be in…..blah, blah blah…
At the end of the interview he invited me back any time I was in the States so I hope that means during the interview that at any point no -offence was taken??
…after he said that however I blurted out a classic…can I just mention before I go…and proceed to say how fantastic Legoland Florida is because if I didn’t say that my mate Ade would kill me….maybe won’t be welcomed back again!!